Letter to Me

I've been wanting to post this for a while, but I think tonight is a good time for it.

Dear High School me,

I know it's hard to wake up every morning and feel like you're inadequate. It's the worst feeling ever. I know that you think that you are beautiful, but you are so insecure that you can't go to school unless you look your very best so that maybe, just maybe, you won't be entirely invisible. I know that you spend a lot of nights wondering if your friends are really your friends and wondering if any of them would be willing to hear your troubled thoughts at 2am.

It's hard being the shy one, the one in the back of the room who won't participate in conversation because you are so terrified to say the wrong thing. You are so afraid of being made fun of that you annihilate any remote chance of people becoming your friend. I know that you blame dance for this. As much as you love it, you have been trained to believe that being wrong is the worst thing on the planet. Being wrong means that you aren't the best. And while being the best isn't important to you, being good means that for a fleeting eight count you could be in the spotlight for once in your life. If you do something wrong, that spotlight turns off. You know, being wrong isn't a bad thing. It's a chance to learn from your mistakes, to get better. I wish you could have realized that.

Most of all, I know it's hard to be the only one in your friend group without a boyfriend. I know you wonder if anyone is secretly crushing on you or if someone will ask you to dance at homecoming. I know you only slow danced with one guy throughout your high school career. But then again, you were only asked to dance twice... I know that you think that your world will crumble if you don't get asked to prom, but believe me prom will still be fun just hanging out with your friends. When you do develop a crush, don't overanalyse it. Liking someone shouldn't make your life complicated or unbearable. I know, shocker. But, you'll find someone who cares about you and only wants to make you the happiest you can be. You haven't met him yet, but he's out there.

I'm writing you a year after graduation to tell you that you are a totally different person than who you were in high school. You are confident. You wear whatever you feel comfortable in, and you don't care as much about what people perceive of you. You suffered some hardships, I'm not gonna lie. Your absolute favorite dance teacher and childhood idol is going to tell you that she doesn't want to teach you anymore and that you aren't going to succeed at teaching, but you are going to cry for a couple days and then prove her wrong by choreographing some pretty bad-ass routines that every dancer wants to be in. You aren't going to expect how successful you are, but you'll feel overwhelmed with gratitude because of it. A seemingly good opportunity is going to turn horribly wrong to the point where you stop eating. Luckily you quit before you get too sick. Remember how much you love food, because that's never going to change. You're going to be depressed for a while stemming from these things, but you'll surround yourself with friends who'll become family. And who really cares if they're either moms or elementary aged kids? They will put so much joy, wisdom, and love into your life that you'll wonder how you lived without them. Guys will start noticing your confidence and success in your career. And while none of them have amounted to anything of significance so far, it's nice to be called beautiful every once in a while. You'll realize that guys are pretty dumb and you'll thank your lucky stars that you didn't have the added weight of their stupidity during high school. But trust me, you'll overlook their idiocy (to an extent) and you'll have some of the best conversations of your life.

The best nights are yet to come, my dear. Keep reading romantic novels and crying your eyes out watching A Walk To Remember because it means that you know what you want and what you are looking for. You are so determined, talented, and intelligent. Don't lose those qualities. You are beyond amazing and you'll find people who appreciate it, in fact you have. And you are so incredibly lucky to have the life you do.


Keep dreaming.

Love, your future self.